


Reflex Unthwarted

by AwayLaughing



Series: All The Days That Have Passed [26]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Apologies, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwayLaughing/pseuds/AwayLaughing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Need is a strong word. Neji uses it anyway.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>“I could live without most the other things that make me happy. I would have to learn to live without you, and it would be unpleasant.”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflex Unthwarted

**Author's Note:**

> Continued as promised! If you've not read the first part please go to [day 25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2838089). It's largely for context reasons.
> 
>  
> 
> [Day 26 - "I need you"](http://awayandlaughing.tumblr.com/post/68217772129/30-day-otp-challenge-for-the-fluff-impaired)

It was a little known fact, but Lee had the best non-inherited house out of the entire group of friends. It was situated on the edge of the garden district in a small building most people would sell a kidney to get into. For one there were no rats and it was close to everything without being in one of the larger buildings, which tended to house nothing but shinobi.

 

And everyone knew shinobi were terrible neighbours.

 

So it was large, backed onto the gardens, the neighbours were quiet and polite without being violently paranoid and even the inside was tastefully appointed. Neji was sitting on Lee's tastefully appointed – if green – couch while his disgustingly supportive best friend patiently waited for him to talk about his feelings.

 

“Is Shikamaru well?” Lee asked finally and Neji tried very hard not to wince.

 

“Physically,” he said after a moment. “We had a fight.”

 

Lee nodded, eyes wide and imploring. _Tell me more_. They said.

 

“It didn't go well,” he said. “I walked out.”

 

Lee's eyes widened further. “That is not optimal,” he said in the same way people said _please come off that ledge sir, there are children watching_. “And you came straight here?”

 

“I went to a bar and stared at a glass of very cheap saké for an hour,” Neji said. “Then I came here.”

 

Lee nodded again, which was supportive but not helpful. Neji didn't push, however. He was going on thirty hours without sleep and Neji knew Lee would get there eventually. And then hopefully push on to telling Neji to get his shit together and go grovel for forgiveness from Shikamaru.

 

Because it wasn't that Neji didn't know what he wanted to do, or had to do. He just needed someone to agree with him, fully and without any of his own inhibitions weighing them down. And Lee was the sort of person to whom inhibitions were theoretical enemies to be dealt with if and when they popped up.

 

“Have you managed to clear up why you walked out on an argument, then?” Lee asked finally. “And if so, would you like to share? I wish only to help you of course, but without any idea of what you quarrelled I can only give platitudes.”

 

Neji nodded and gave his one concession to his nerves by smoothing a hand over the upholstery. “Shikamaru wants me to leave ANBU,” Neji said. “He has noticed I've been...distant...due to my work lately and it worries him.” Pained him, more like. “I was overly defensive and finally I left instead of staying to discuss things more.”

 

“Ah,” Lee said. “You were scared of opening a dialogue, so turned it into an argument instead. When that did not work, you simply left instead of being forced to deal with your emotions,” he grinned, “it has been many years since you have done such a thing, and I find I am both relieved and sorry it was not with myself and Tenten this time.”

 

That made Neji wince. It did sound like how he'd dealt with his team for that first year together. Old habits die hard, and sometimes when you kill them they got revived at inopportune times, apparently.

 

“That's correct,” was all he said. “There may be another issue.”

 

“Oh?” Lee asked. His expression shifted from his very genuine concern to something more uneasy, hands clenching. “Did your argument exceed mere words?” he asked, each word coming out carefully and without any judgement. Neji stiffened all the same, shooting Lee a glare he usually reserved for politicians and people who tried to kill him.

 

“Never,” he said. Lee held up both bandaged hands.

 

“It is a known issue in shinobi relationships,” he said, “and Shikamaru is not a civilian, nor are you. I doubt either one would land an actual hit.”

 

Which wasn't the point. Violence was for enemies and sparring. You didn't bring it into the home. You didn't use it against your lovers, or your children or your pets or your neighbours, their status as a shinobi or not be damned. It was one of the hardest rules for shinobi, both in that it was considered to be non-negotiable, and that it was actually not all that easy to follow. When you were raised to kill and cause damage, not doing so in negative-high stress situations was an art form. If you couldn't handle it, chances were you weren't a very good shinobi _or_ partner.

 

Neji knew, of course, that there were exceptions to the rule. You could be controlled and violent, after all.

 

Easily.

 

“But it is not and never has been our issue,” he said. Lee nodded to show he believed him and Neji took a brief moment to thank his lucky stars Lee had stuck by with him through everything. Most sane people wouldn't have. “Shikamaru told me he knew I might not take his request well and made it clear that he understood if this also meant the end of our relationship...” he trailed off hoping Lee would get the idea.

 

“Do not say you have broken up with him!”

 

Idea firmly and truly gotten.

 

“I don't think I did,” Neji said, admitting to himself that he might have removed his say from the situation. He'd have to move back with the clan unless he could find an apartment now. “He might have changed his mind about not breaking up with me, given the fact I left him near tears in our kitchen.”

 

Lee's face, which was always very open at the best of times, morphed into complete horror. “Tears?” he asked, one hand coming up to his chest. “Surely not!”

 

“Temari-san called him crybaby for years,” Neji said, “I cannot imagine you failed to notice.” Lee's eyebrows came down a little from his hairline, and his mouth twisted in a way you could almost call wry. “But tears are maybe a bit of an exaggeration. I think he was tired, mostly.”

 

“A common problem for our fine comrade,” Lee said. “Then I suppose you know what you should do, yes?”

 

Neji nodded, and though he didn't blush it was only through years of practice and a natural tendency not to do so anyway. “I do.”

 

“Would you like me to walk you home?”

 

Neji gave a short laugh. “I can manage alone.”

 

Lee's eyes crinkled with his smile. “But you don't have to.”

 

* * *

 

There was still light on in the kitchen when Neji got home, and given it was barely midnight that wasn't so odd, but Neji was well aware the person in the window wasn't his boyfriend. He watched Chōji's silhouette putter for a minute before mutely pushing open the back door, watching the large man still. The Akimichi turned toward him wordlessly and for a long moment neither spoke.

 

“I told him you'd come back,” Chōji said at last and Neji blinked in surprise. He wasn't entirely certain Chōji liked him all that much, even after all these years. It seemed to Neji the other man was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, as if Neji was some interloper in Shikamaru's life. He'd suggest it was simply a product of the Ino-Shika-Chō dynamic but admitted that Shikamaru and Chōji both liked Kiba enough they didn't object to his marrying Ino, so it was likely his own fault.

 

“Thank you, Chōji.”

 

The Akimichi shot him a not unfriendly look. “I didn't do it for you, Neji,” he said. It was unusual for Chōji to be so close to hostile, but Neji could admit he'd earned it. And also admit that if anything was going to make Chōji hate someone, it was them hurting Shikamaru.

 

“My thanks stand, nonetheless,” Neji said and watched with some pleasure as surprise flitted across the Akimichi's bearded features.

 

“Look Neji. I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you,” he said after a few heartbeats. “But you worry me. Always have and maybe it's not fair but it's true. Still, you make Shikamaru happy most of the time so just don't mess him up, okay?”

 

Neji's concession to the request was a head bow and a solemn, “I won't, Chōji.”

 

A small smile made Chōji's mouth quirk up and Neji was surprised when a large hand pat his shoulder gently. “He can get pretty creative when he's hurt,” he said, “but I think if you're quick you can bypass any revenge.” Neji chuckled with humour he didn't fully feel.

 

“Speaking from experience?”

 

“Nope,” Chōji said with sudden cheerfulness, “but I've seen Nara vengeance and wouldn't even wish it on my childhood bullies,” his smile widened. “Not a second time, anyway. Tell Shikamaru he should come over for tea on Friday, kay? I've got some stuff to tell him.”

 

“Of course,” Neji said, off balance but not willing to show it. “Have a good evening Chōji.”

 

“I'll try,” Chōji said and disappeared, closing the door gently and mere seconds later Neji turned as a floor board creaked – deliberately – and Shikamaru appeared in the door way. Silently, the Nara leaned against the door frame, arms crossed and face blank.

 

He looked marginally better, at least, meaning Chōji probably sent him to bed at some point.

 

“Have a good nap?” he asked and Shikamaru smiled without teeth or humour.

 

“It was terrible,” he said. His earlier concern was gone, replaced with his usual lazy drawl but Neji wasn't fooled. To be fair, however, Shikamaru likely was just trying to grasp onto normalcy, not fool anyone. “How was your walk?”

 

“Short,” Neji said. “I went to go see Lee.” Shikamaru just nodded and Neji watched his toes wiggle, the only obvious sign of nerves. “I think Chōji's going to kill me in my sleep.”

 

Another humourless smile. “I'll have to tell him to rethink that, given your lack of sleeping patterns,” he said. “Speaking of, should I get used to doing so alone? Lee's couch is pretty comfortable if I recall.”

 

Shikamaru wasn't wrong about the couch, Neji thought as he took a step forward, watching Shikamaru stiffen, but didn't stop until they were close enough to touch. He kept his hands to himself however.

 

“It is comfortable,” Neji admitted, “though I would prefer not to sleep on it all the same. Or not sleep on it,” he kept eye contact, or tried to. Shikamaru looked down. “Unless you want me to.”

 

Shikamaru's toes curled into the wood and stayed there.

 

“I don't,” Shikamaru said. “I want you to stay more than almost anything.”

 

Almost. Neji smiled, his turn to do so humourlessly. “But you want me to leave ANBU more.”

 

Shikamaru shook his head and looked up, frowning ever so slightly. “No. I want you to be happy and healthy more than anything.”

 

Neji blinked. “You make me happy,” he said almost without thinking and when Shikamaru went to look away this time Neji stopped him, gently hooking his chin. “You do.”

 

“Well I can't be the only thing,” Shikamaru said, wrapping his hand around Neji's wrist. He didn't pull, however, and Neji took the simple touch as a good thing.

 

“You're not,” Neji said. “But,” he considered his words carefully, shifting so his hand cradled Shikamaru's jaw. The muscle there was tense under his hand, and gently rubbed circles with his thumb. “I could live without most the other things that make me happy. I would have to learn to live without you, and it would be unpleasant.” Shikamaru's frown deepened, though Neji interpreted it as confused, not disapproving.

 

“Neji...” Shikamaru stopped himself and Neji didn't interrupt. Fingers traced pointless patterns on his wrist and stars were probably born while Neji waited. “Fuck you. You just left.”

 

Not the best response, but he sounded more annoyed than angry or hurt. Shikamaru was usually annoyed about something. “And I am very, very ashamed of myself,” Neji said. Not so long ago the admission would have been like pulling teeth, but Neji was not a slave to his ego. Or his various hang ups. “And very very sorry. But it doesn't change what I said. I need you.” Shikamaru's jaw unclenched and he surprised Neji by swooping in for a hug.

 

“You're so frustrating,” Shikamaru muttered into his shoulder and Neji looped an arm around his waist. “Most troublesome person in the village I could have fallen in love with. Maybe out of it, too.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Neji said, and didn't mean it.

 

“No you're not,” Shikamaru said. “In the morning I'm going to properly yell at you,” he said. “Or maybe in the afternoon.” Neji smiled, relief flooding through every cell in his body.

 

“I'll be waiting,” he said. Then, “you know I can't leave ANBU right away. I'll have to go at least another month while they pick a replacement for me.”

 

“I know,” Shikamaru said and squeezed tighter.

 

“But I will talk to Hokage-sama tomorrow. After you yell at me.”

 

Shikamaru didn't say anything and Neji just buried his face in his shoulder and thanked whoever was watching for this little act of mercy.

**Author's Note:**

> See? Better! Or at least, not broken up.
> 
>  _It hurts to thwart the reflexes_  
>  _of grab, of clutch ; to love and let_  
>  _go again and again. It pesters to remember_  
>  _the lover who is not in the bed,_  
>  _to hold back what is owed to the work_  
>  _that gutters like a candle in a cave_  
>  _without air, to love consciously,_  
>  _conscientiously, concretely, constructively._  
>  **To Have Without Holding** \- Marge Piercy


End file.
